Sunday, June 17, 2007

Don't Drink and Diet

All the best intentioned weeks of dieting can be ruined by an evening of Mott's Clamato Juice and a bit of Vodka. Summer BBQs are the one of the best things about the season. Sitting back with a few friends some steak and a drink.

Sunday evening I dug out my box of dieting manuals and recovered my copy of the Zone. Excited I went to the 24 hour grocery store and bought all the foods I would need for the week. i dusted off a smallish cooler and put an ice pack in the freezer. Monday started off wonderfully. I got up in the morning and had a brisk walk. I returned home and stocked my cooler with vegetables, a banana, a sandwich and a salad of tomatoes, cucumber and avocado. I was ready to diet. WhooHoo was I ready. I was able to maintain my excitement well into Wednesday night. I had a meeting in the evening and I arrived with a bottle of Fresca in hand and some serious kick-ass. When I arrived my glorious partners were discussing Company names over glasses of champagne. I hauled out my Fresca to drink as as I turned to get a glass a Ceasar appeared on the counter before me. Just one I thought. One turned to four and suddenly my diet was off course. Thursday arrived and I stuck to the diet, no exercise. Now on to Friday. A summer BBQ at a friend's place. Oh joy o bliss, the weather was marvelous and as in most circles of friends I suspect, people arrive that you hadn't seen since last summer. Feeling badly about my misstep on Wednesday I vowed to nurse one drink and then switch to unsweetened ice tea. Seven ceasar later I was hammered and my diet was once again in the gutter.

I know others might say that I'm weak but I would say "Let's be realistic". What is a gal to do. Lock herself in a closet and eat rice crisps all summer.

It's Sunday again. Pounds lost this week 0. I am writing this message and thinking about the grocery store. Do I give it a try again this week? Of course I do as the alternative is to gain a pound. I must be strong and if I have learned anything this week it's Don't drink and diet. It's going to be a long summer.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Does UGLY Clothing=Ugly Woman

I watch TV and see Britney Spears shake her bootie and think she looks like an idiot but.... for a moment I wish I had her body and if I did I might shake it too. Well I don't have her body so I'll just get over it.

Now for all you fat girls out there you have to get over it too. There are some things that aren't meant for fat girls. One of them is a crop top. Quite simply keep you belly to yourself. Secondly, don't even think about a tank top. Are you kidding. Anything over a B cup must be securely fastened. Lastly, get over the idea of a mini skirt right now. Not only do your legs look more shapely in other styles but when you sit down and perhaps you have a small Britney slip and show a little thigh..... we all know that ain't pretty.

In all fairness; slutty clothes on the chubby girl is a fat joke waiting to happen but how do you jump from there, directly to matronly and frumpy. I love Kathy Bates but I don't want to look like her. Pants are not supposed to be stretch polyester with elasticized waist bands. Did you know that a man sees a waist band like that immediately thinks granny panties. That's wrong, so very very wrong.

I don't think a 14 plus should let the muffin top hang out but I also don't understand why most plus size shops carry mostly tops that hang down to your knees and refuse to allow you any sense of a waist line.

Fabrics are styles seem to take a year or two to catch up and just so shoe stores know: most women are size 14. High boots on fashion models are great but heavier women have bigger calves. We can't buy your boots. I have money and I want to spend it but you won't let me. Today Lane Bryant and Ashley Stewart are the only 2 stores I know of that cater to a stylish plus size woman. Maybe I should stop writing on this blog and start designing clothing because there is a truckload of money to be made on plus size clothing.

So I ask you ladies out there? Do you feel like an ugly woman because you often have to wear ugly clothes?

Monday, May 28, 2007

Why is Food Never the Reward

It has been said many times that a large percentage of women would rather eat chocolate than have sex. Clearly 2 tickets to the Stanley Cup Playoffs is not on the radar of most women as a reward either. So why do I crave food, need food, think about food? Why does it cross my mind as soon as I have accomplished something that I should reward myself with ice cream?

So here's my list of today's accomplishments:

1. walk 6 am for 25 minutes
2. eat yogurt for breakfast
3. skip the freshly baked muffins in the kitchen at work just before lunch
4. have salad for lunch
5. create a fantastic design solution for one of our most miserable clients
6. bail another job out of the fire because there a 2 directors out sick today.
7. talk the only healthy director out of quitting because of the stress of doing the work of three.
8. stay late to help a junior employee learn some tricks on a new software program.
9. get home from work @ 8:30pm

LET ME EAT CAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't want hockey tickets, I don't want sex (well not right now), I don't want to win the lottery. I want to eat chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream. What evil spirit has given me taste buds, free will and a crappy metabolism. I ask you that.

So fine, I'll have some carrots and hate the world.

Life ain't fair, no kidding

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Dieting is like Flossing

I always have the best intentions. Every morning I tell myself floss those teeth and as I get in my car I think maybe tomorrow. Is dieting just like that. I start out in the morning full of hope. I walk by the chocolate chip cookies (usually) and dive into an Activa yogurt. I tend to lean towards the Zone as my diet of choice so I might scarf down an ounce or two of lean turkey breast. Hey about a green tea pill and I am off for the day.

Its about 12:03pm and my the lunch bell is ringing in my ear. Thankfully there are many people in the studio I work with that don't brown bag. I call out loudly for takers. Hmmmm where will we go. The mall is the first choice and we have a good food court. Villa Medina ....yummm good Mediterranean food. I'll have a plate with 2 salads and chicken off the spit. Sounds like a good diet plan. Did I mention the extra large scoop of garlic mayo on the side of the plate? No? Ooops. Sure I'll take that pita. What are you looking at? I'm eating chick peas and Greek salad. What are you trying to say with that look. So what if the plate could feed 2-3 people. Are you trying to say that I'm eating too much. Well it could be worse and I did eat lettuce and grilled chicken.

I could nap at 3:oopm everyday. I have yet to convince anyone that taking a quick little snooze under the desk is a good thing. I am their boss after all. If I sleep we should all sleep. No one has respect for authority anymore.

Since I'm nodding off maybe a quick trip around the studio will wake me up. As usual I find myself in the kitchen next to the vending machine. I like Aero Bars. This is new for me. I would usually have opted for a Reece's Peanut Butter Cup, a Mars bar or a Kit Kat but lately I'm all about the Aero. I look at the yummy bar for a few minutes but then I see my reflection in the plexi of the machine. Bad idea. I fill up my water glass and go back to my desk. There are so many moments in the day when you have to make the right diet decision . You can do the right thing 97 times out of a hundred but those three wrong turns can ruin the day for you.

Quitting time, it's about 7pm and I'm on the way home. Did I mention that I did not receive a cooking gene at birth and neither did my boyfriend. I get home we have a little chit chat a laugh or two and then of course the big question. "What do you want to have for dinner" We hum and we haw and sit in silence and we think. The clock say 8:00pm now and this conversation is getting boring. Another half hour of opening the fridge door and guess what. We talk about doing a big grocery shop tomorrow but tonight let's just get a sub. I'm no Jarred. I want a foot long from Subway, tuna with extra cheese. Could I also get some cookies with that. Thanks sweetie. I was going to go for a walk tonight. Maybe tomorrow... and maybe tomorrow I'll floss my teeth.